Wednesday, June 15, 2016

The Honeymooners

I'm baaaack!!!

Okay, fair enough.

I've long come to terms with the fact that I will never be that blogger.  The one who posts.  Like, ever.

In my defense, I have been "trying" to write this post for about two weeks now.  And, of course by "trying", I mean fluttering into my draft folder for a few moments every so often before exasperatingly declaring that I am "not inspired enough" and adjourning to more decidedly Anthropologie-ish corners of the internet.  I am in the market for some adorable, non-dishwasher safe appetizer plates because that is the sort of bourgeois impasse I've come to.

In any case, tonight I have decided to interrupt a perfectly decent pineapple IPA and nostalgia fueled re-watching of Hook, to revisit this post for the thirtieth time.  I hope you realize what a huge imposition this is.

That's sure to get me some followers!

Anyways, a few weeks ago, Moses and I returned from our belated honeymoon in the South of France.

I will spare you the vacation slideshow.  My tolerance for sadism has significantly lessened since trying and failing to watch 50 Shades of Grey.  (More like 50 Shades of Boring.  Am I right?  <High five!>)  Instead, I've decided to compile a list of things I learned from my travels, with a sprinkling of photos because you're not that lucky (ridiculous photos were taken and attention must be paid).

I've decided that lists are my thing.

If you don't like it, there is the door:

At the suggestion of my mother-in-law, I was initially planning to keep a food journal while I was there.  And I was reallllly going to but I realllly forgot, mostly because I was too distracted by actually eating all the food and drinking all the wine.  So a list you shall get.

Nous commençons.

Lesson 1: French people are serious about five things: butter, coca-cola, nutella, easy accessibility to wine and beer in almost all places at all times, and smoking.

And I have absolutely no problem with that because most of those things are the best. But, I have to admit, it does give me better insight into the bloated, flotation device of a human that Gerard Depardieu has become...

Lesson 2: Taking a picture of famous art is better than looking at it with your eye balls.

Because, you know, eyeballs are overrated. Also, where could you possibly even find a high quality copy of this artwork?!

Lesson 3: There is another Versaille on the coastal highway in between Nice and Monte Carlo.

It's almost as magnificent as its sister location.

Also, it is most certainly NOT a pleasant, leisurely bike ride along the coast from Nice to Monte Carlo.  We later learned that the 25 miles of coastal cliffs that we biked up and down that day was part of the route in the Tour de France.

Lesson 4: Selfies have always been a thing.

Lesson 5: Speaking of's in really poor taste to take them in front of the human remains in the Parisian Catacombs.

[Not pictured, because we're not millennial monsters]

Lesson 6: You should take as many awkward kissing-in-front-of-the-Eiffel-Tower pictures as possible, until you've solidified your basic-ness to all those around you.

Not at all obnoxious.  Brave, I would say.

Lesson 6: Don't skimp on eye cream while you are traveling, unless you want eye circles the envy of any Edward Gorey illustration.

Lesson 7: When in Paris, buy a museum pass.

If only for the varied pictures you take with the artwork. (See lesson 2.)

Lesson 8: Private beaches are the best.

You don't want to be drink-less, parasol-less, and lounge chair-less like the rest of those public beach going plebeians.

Lesson 9:  It's not offensive.

(Except that it kind of is...)

Lesson 10: Always order wine and always take pictures of horse statues and/or signs.

These may or may not be related.

Lesson 11: Le Petite dejeuner is everything.

Lesson 12: Honeymoons are truly the best.  Moses and I have been together nearly 12 year and this was the first extended trip that we've taken together that was not structured around visiting friends or family.  It was so good for us because as it happens, there was a reason we married each other in the first place.

Just one reason, actually: so as not to die alone.

Only kidding.  #wenoses4eva

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