Thursday, September 24, 2015

Lately

Life has been a bit of a challenge.

Gosh, I hate starting out like that.  Because it's pretty much annoucing to the eworld: hello, I am a Debbie Downer.  How are you?  Don't care! We're all miserable until we die anyways!

It's just that ever since May, work has been krazy.  And ever since the wedding, I have been exhausted.  And ever since the end of August, I have been having a case of the feels and just dreading dreading dreading the second week of September.  And ever since Saturday I have had a constellation of mosquito bites on my torso.  And ever since Monday, my arm has been sore (flu shot) and my leg has been bruised (a perfectly routine injury from my off the counter dismount after closing the kitchen window that sticks.)  And ever since Tuesday the Red Sox's have had a game at Fenway Stadium every.single.night, which means that I have to be David Blaine levels of magic in order to catch a train home (which I suppose would just entail building a plastic box around the train car that I would sit in, neither eating nor sleeping for 4 straight days).  AND for some effing reason, the fruit flies in our kitchen have wised up to our, thus far, fool-proof traps and now I'm out a bottle of organic apple cider vinegar and if that don't beat all...

So, yes.  Things have been challenging.

But don't cry too hard from me, Argentina.

Fortunately, I have my cheery disposition and a few glasses of chardonnay to see me through.  Because apparently, I am a rich woman on a diet.  Plus we have a lot of it leftover from the wedding.  Waste not want not.

The weather here has finally transitioned from 90 degree and 90% humidity to something more decidedly fall-like.  And no one could be more excited about this than me.  I am such a higher functioning cold weather person: I dress better, I cook better, and I am just generally happier, fitter, and more productive.

Pumpkin flavored paraphernalia is out in full force and...to be frank, I'm kind of over it.

I am much more into the caramel apple flavor profile this season. I recently discovered a hard cider made locally in Somerville called The Americain.  I know.  Total hipster nonsense.  But it's really, really good.  And gluten free.  Not that it matters because gluten and I will be bffs until the day I die.  From what I can only hope is a gluten overdose.

For the past few nights Moses and I have been watching clips from Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on youtube because we don't have cable, or HBO, or nice things in general.  And I'm probably the last person on earth to board this train, because that's how it usually goes with me--years of inexplicable resistance, followed by a momentary succumbing, followed by years of commitment and adoration: the Wendy Kozak Story--but I love it.  I am continually impressed by its hilarity and poignancy.  Aside from BBC and NPR (aw, just look at me, what a communist!), it's some of the best reporting I've seen in years.

Have you seen Going Clear?  If not, you should.  Equal parts fascinating and horrifying. The best things usually are. (Like Marriage.)  (Just kidding.) (Marriage is only horrifying.)

Have you seen True Cost? It's on Netflix and it will totally transform the way you think about fast fashion and stores like Gap, H&M, and Forever 21.  After watching it, I managed to successfully boycott these places for a solid month before fall fashion, like the brazen hussy it is, seduced me with its crisp flannel shirts.

Last September, I bought a pair of duck boots off eBay that I thought were the real deal but I was a bit of an eBay novice that the time, so I figured duck boots + high seller rating = authentic.  Turns out they were cheap knock offs.  So this year, I got me a bonafide pair.  The kind that are handmade in Maine.  I know this because inside the box was a card from the maker.  Her name was...mostly illegible but I want to say Lenora?  So thank you, maybe Lenora, for making my boots.  I find both them and you utterly charming.

Things on my fall Boston to-do list:

1. Go to Concord and visit Orchard House and Walden Pond.
2. Go to Salem and visit the witch museums before the swarm of  creeper tourists descends in late October.
3. Go apple picking.
4. Go hiking at Blue Hills Reservation and/or Harvard Aboretum.
5. Go kayaking on the Charles.
6. Go to a clam chowder cook off.
7. Find the energy deep within my being to go to all of these places and do all of these things.

And not to get all serious on you or anything, but I am about to get all serious on you...

Even though things have been "challenging" recently, I've been thinking a lot about how I felt this time last year compared with how I feel now.

Around this time last year, my brother had just died, I was at a new job, in a new city, and I was grasping at any semblance of normalcy.

Now, even though I miss John everyday, I am mostly able to think of him with happiness rather than sadness.  I am able to feel so much more like myself again and so much more at home in my new environment.

And it feels good.

Not just because I've been feeling pretty much like perpetual shit for the past year but because feeling more like myself means I feel closer to John.  Because John is in the best parts of me, really.  When I am at my kindest, calmest, and funniest--that's John. And boy does it feels good to see him again.

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