Wednesday, April 22, 2015

You're Gonna Get Hop-ons

Moses and I have this saying: you're gonna get hop-ons.

Well, it's not really our saying.  It's something we've appropriated from the show Arrested Development.

Used in reference to this compact, family friendly vehicle:



Upon which, you will quite literally get hop-ons.

Moses and I use this to mean something that's an inevitability: a situation that you can't do much about, it just is what it is.

Whenever I have a sad morning or a challenging interaction with a student or feel generally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, Moses will shrug and say: sometimes, you're gonna get hop-ons.

And it almost always makes me smile.

I've really been struggling with the blog recently.  I know it's stupid.  It's a blog.  No cares.  No one reads it but my family (and secretly me after two glasses of wine).  Blah blah blah.  I know.

I just can't tell what it's supposed to be anymore.  A garbled anthology of essays?  A public diary?  A cobbled crucible of creativity and catharsis?  Too much?  I never know...

The trouble is that I vacillate between levity and solemnity so quickly these days that I can't ever seem to gain enough traction to nudge a post beyond its meager point of origin.  It slumps, rooted in nothing in particular.

Maybe it begins as a funny, pointless narrative about the number of packages from J Crew my neighbors get every week (seriously, so many. How do they have money to eat?) and I get about as far as the set-up before the whole thing suddenly crumbles into trite and tiresome bits of plaster that I scrape into a dust bin with humdrum thoughts of maybe returning it to something of value.  Someday, perhaps, but not today.

And then the next week, I start with something graver and heftier and harder to maneuver.  Here, I will get only as far as the opening paragraph before I feel my tendons stretch under the weight of it and quickly release my grip.

After nearly a month of this, it's starting to feel like I am the sole purveyor of a crooked, half-sown row of red cabbage--hardly a prize, even when it's good.  So why bother?

Well, A. Are you the latest Dashboard Confessional album because seriously, get over yourself and B. because, in a lot of ways, I think it's really important for me to have something to work at outside of my job and my relationships--something that I find enjoyable and interesting and (mostly) worthwhile.

The results don't need to be grand or remarkable or even finished--they just need to be attempted.  Because an attempt requires a few moments of quiet engagement in task (that doesn't involve the parsing out of logic of a Real Housewife) and although, at times, it may feel tedious, it is ultimately always rewarding.

So much of my day-to-day life still feels so upheaved and disrupted that it seems beneficial to have a small little plot, like this blog, to focus on and to cultivate.

And sure somedays, it will feel like a burden, it will feel wrenching and difficult and dumb and contrived and all of those million other unpleasant things it has felt like before...

But hey, sometimes, you're gonna get hop-ons.

4 comments:

  1. For what it's worth (probably not a lot) I read and enjoy your blog!! :) whatever you write is always so cleverly crafted and witty, a skill I envy! Keep on keeping on :)

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    1. It does mean a lot! Thank you so much for reading (even when I am being a sad sack)!

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  2. okay but if you stop blogging then I will have to stop my blog which essentially gives readers emotional whiplash as I bounce from hilarious cat videos to my deepest fears and darkest struggles. What I'm saying is, I really like your blog.

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    1. Caitlin, we are SO kindred spirits. Your freedom in positivity post is this post's smarter and much prettier older sister. I won't stop if you don't!

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