Wendy sits down at her computer, wearing her Zella Live In Leggings knock offs from Old Navy (which she inexplicably finds more comfortable than her actual Zella Live In Leggings), with a half consumed bowl of minestrone soup she made (in which she maybe added too many noodles) on the coffee table in front of her.
Wendy: What up internet? Did you miss me?!
Internet: Who are you again?
Internet: You should check out the following article on buzzfeed: "21 Signs You're a Horrible, Self-Involved, Neurotic Harbinger of Patriarchy That Nobody Cares About"
Wendy: Sigh. Click.
So as that dramatization clearly demonstrates: things are happening in the Wild Wild World of Wendy.
...except not really. I've basically just been working and watching a lot of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. (Which, btw, is excellent.)
In my fleeting and mostly unintentional four week sabbatical from this blog, I actually did seriously consider shutting it down. Not for any particularly melodramatic reason, I just simply thought to myself one day: hmm, I wonder if I might be done with this.
But then I would catch myself missing it from time to time, mostly when I noticed small, extraneous details--a bouquet of red cups and dunkin donuts wrappers in a slowly receding snow bank, the cornucopia of dried fruit in my desk drawer at work, that I snack on every afternoon, apricot by apricot, blueberry by blueberry, opening and closing the drawer with each one (clearly the most energy efficient method of delivery)--but I especially missed the blog whenever I had one of my notorious, ill-faited misadventures: trudging through a snow storm with Moses to see the Valentine's Day Harvard vs. Cornell Hockey game only to discover that it had been moved three hours earlier due to "weather" or questing to find my lost Charlie Card in the Trader Joe's escalator (spoiler alert! I didn't find it...) or that time that Moses and I made the mistake of going to the Ikea cafe after we finished our shopping and almost had to walk through the entire store again just to leave.
Or if you prefer books with pictures...
|Such an obliging snowbank|
|But never too cold for poorly lit selfie|
|At a Harvard vs. Cornell, I will always root for Cornell,|
especially now that Harvard has refused to refund us our tickets...
|Before the panic of not being able to leave set in|
You know. Blog worthy stuff alll around.
So, I finally decided that I could keep this up a bit longer. Besides, who else would I share all my clever quips with? They shouldn't all be wasted on Moses.
If you read this blog with any regularity--or with as much regularity as barely squeaking out bi-monthly posts warrants...which is none--you know that I can rarely manage anything more than a series of fragmented vignettes. So Shyamalan twist! That's precisely what you're getting from me today...
This is typically the number of bobby pins I use to hold my bun in place, whenever I should decide to wear my hair in one. And whenever Moses sees me dismantling it at the end of the day, he always says: "she's more machine than man, now..."
Did you read that article on NPR about how we're not taking enough lunch breaks? Me neither. But! I sure did read the title and I'm sorry to admit that I fall squarely into the category of dum dums who burn themselves out by scarfing down their lunches at their desks between emails. So, long story short (too late) I've resolved to get out of the office at least once a day. Especially now that it's a balmy 40 degrees outside (hollah!).
Number of lunches taken since said resolve: ...
I walked to Trader Joe's to buy a granola bar and a coconut water today. Does that count?
Speaking of coconut water...I am a full-fledged addict when it comes to this stuff. It makes me regret ever referring to coconut water as "sweaty" water.
Speaking of lunch breaks...my favorite way to spend them (on the rare chance I take one) is to read in the sunny prudential center.
Usually accompanied by something caffeinated.
As you can see, I am currently reading Nora Ephron's Heartburn. It's utterly delightful. But I would expect nothing less from the woman whose movies I've turned to most over the years for emotional reassurance.
Also, this book is narrated by Lily Tomlin in my head. Not that you cared or asked.
I recently bought a Kate Spade Dress at Buffalo Exchange for $20, so...I win at life!
When I gently brushed an elderly woman's foot on a crowded train a few weeks ago, she looked up at me with such repugnance and said: "Don't kick!" When I apologized, she said: "Well, watch where you put your feet and you won't ever have to say sorry." I just smiled and thought: I bet you're a big hit at parties.
This is a thing!
Moses bought this for me at PAX, in front of all his other nerd boyfriends (colleagues?). Isn't that romantic?! What if I told you that one or more of the witnesses were dressed as Link from Legend of Zelda? Is that more or less romantic? I agree. More. Way more.
I. love. this. show.
With all of my heart.
Although I did hear someone on a podcast use this as an example of a show that gives young people unrealistic expectations about money, since the main characters are allegedly broke but still manage to live in big apartments in NYC and go to concerts and have teeth replaced but seemingly face zero repercussions for their irresponsible spending behavior...and I sort of agree with that but I also sort of think that this podcast need to chill the f out.
If someone doesn't realize after watching the show Friends that $700 a month will get you approximately one half of a cardboard box to share with a feral cat, well, then they have bigger problems...namely that they watch the show Friends.
Yeah, yeah. I've been totally netflix binge watching it too.
Last night, I stayed up until 1AM doing work. I tell you this to account for the fact that this evening, I drank a glass of red wine (94 points! Spared no expense) and watched Maid in Manhattan.
I was particularly amused by the band at the gala. Mostly the back-up musicians. You sort of have to see it...
It's kind of long, so start at second 33 and don't stop watching until you've noticed the triangle player.
Or this guy:
Wardrobe: No, you see this is a hip NYC event and the musicians have to be cool--not like trying to be cool but just sort of effortless. Yes! That's it! Someone get this man a saxophone for his outdated 2 minute solo!
This scene was (sadly) the highlight of hectic/stressful/delirious/exhausting day! When chased with wine, of course, which makes everything more palatable.
Yes, even the early 2000s.
Setting: The same (mostly) clean apartment, even later in the evening.
Wendy: I am sooo tired.
Internet: No you're not. Google some more about the plotline of Hart of Dixie since you stopped watching it.
Wendy: But I am really tired. And my laptop is hot.
Internet: How about just a quick search for diseases caused by hot laptops on lap? Or what about that Mandy Moore? What's she up to these days?
Wendy: Good night, internet. Have a good weekend.
Internet: Fine. See you first thing tomorrow.
Wendy: Sigh. Okay