Monday, February 24, 2014

Note to self:

Drinking a red eye in the afternoon will always seem like a great idea.  But you might want to check back in with yourself around 3:30AM--after you've develop a full on case of the Vegas eye and you're hitting the refresh button on your favorite blogs and websites fifty times in a row like a morphine drip--to see if you still think so.

Don't leave the hydrocortisone cream next to the identically shaped tooth paste tube.  Especially if you plan on being drowsy in the morning.

Don't feel bad about not exercising when you're sick, even if you've been sick a trillion times within a six month period.  Sure your eyeballs will fool you into seeing a sea cow staring back at you in the mirror, but you're not a sea cow, you're more like a baby sea cow and baby sea cow's are still pretty cute.

On a similar note: don't feel bad about ordering from Thai Vegan for the fifth night in a row.  You're supporting local businesses. 

Don't fantasize about living this shirt everyday.

Or this shirt.

Do go and pin a thousand more stylish spring outfits on pinterest.  It will make you feel better.  Trust me.

When you're feeling frustrated, be kinder and more understanding.  Maybe pay someone else a compliment; the sort of compliment you always think but never say. It will make you feel even better than posting cute spring outfits on pinterest.  Double trust me.

Also, go ahead buy yourself that pair of clogs you've been eyeing for the past week.  You need some good spring shoes and you really failed on that front last year.

...except that's when you got those moccasins that you live in, so clearly you make excellent shoes purchases around this time of year and these clogs will be everything you ever dreamed of it.

Stop writing in the second person.

And go grocery shopping, for god's sake.

Stop searching the Netflix Watch Instantly catalog every night, expecting to see that they've added the exact romantic comedy that you didn't know you were in the mood for because you know you'll only find ten more episodes of Thomas the Tank Engine and Cheerleader Massacre 4.

Don't watch Cheerleader Massacre 4 when Real Housewives of Beverly Hill basically has the same plot and is better acted.

Stop using hash tags ironically.  No one gets it.  #dummies.

Coffee and water are not interchangeable.  Drink more coffee.

It's not silly to heed your mother's advice by not worrying about tomorrow.  Tomorrow will take care of itself. 

Seriously, listen to her.  She has six kids and knows a thing or two about stress.

Okay, so don't worry about tomorrow BUT remember that you are leaving for Seattle on business in a couple days and you kind of need to deal with that.  Just don't worry about it.  And if you are a little worried, don't worry about being worried.

Even though you are clearly a nut job.

Post more often, even if it is as nonsensical as this one.  It's entertaining and possibly endearing and at least five people care.

Okay, four, if you're not counting yourself.

Always count yourself.

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