Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Hellooo adulthood!

Who has two thumbs and has been super schizo about all things blog design related?


5:30PM - Jammied already and not a moment too soon.

This gal.

When I was little, I would change my outfit no fewer than twelve times a day.  I fear that this is a relic of that. [Insert sad emoticon here.]

And yes, the Hair Cut is doing much better, thanks for asking.  I was able to put it up into something vaguely resembling a bun-like shape today and I no longer harbor secret fantasies of buzzing it all off and starting afresh or getting J-Lo-esque hair extensions (because I'm not extreme at all), so I would call that progress.

Let's see what else is happening?  Ah yes.  I realize that I am in the vast minority here, but I really don't get the whole obsession with Tanning Chatum. Or Channing Tatum.  Whatever.  Get a real name hippy, this isn't a Joan Collins novel.

Luckily, Moses and I canceled our cable so I now won't be tempted to watch E! news on a regular basis and subsequently have to suffer through all sorts of useless updates about him and his abs and his newly expelled offspring.

No, you heard right.  Mose and I have canceled our cable.  I'll give you a moment to fetch your smelling salts.

...

Oh good.  You're back.

I won't pretend that our steadily escalating monthly rate hasn't been giving me the vegas eye twitch for the past six months or so, but that wasn't the reason.  It actually happened very suddenly.  There I was, in our living room, maybe or maybe not reading the comment section of a gossip blog, listening to soft purr of Castle reruns on TNT, when I saw a trailer for Real Housewives of New Jersey pop up on my computer screen.  I apologize to everyone everywhere for this but you kind of have to see it to understand.


When it finished playing, I felt similarly to how junkies must feel when they catch a glimpse of themselves in the mirror and are shocked by the wretched and unrecognizable person staring back at them.

And right then and there, after peering into the haggard face of my own cautionary tale, I decided that el cable box had to go.

Given my deep passion for trashier than thou Bravo t.v. shows, it's almost poetic that it ended this way.

I like to think though, that this is only part of a larger trend: I'm budgeting, I am exercising daily, I'm taking vitamins, I'm grocery shopping sparingly and only buying what I need, and when I take out the recycling every couple of weeks, it no longer resembles the purging of the contents of a bevmo warehouse.

Everything is finally coming up Wendy and I like it!

Sure, maybe it won't last--maybe I will fall back into my old ways of watching marathons of Snapped on Oxygen, polishing off my fourth glass of cab, and googling the symptoms of soft tissue sarcomas but I feel pretty certain that I am finally starting to shuffle off the bad habits cultivated by the wear and tear of the ulcer inducing stress of post-collegiate life.

I guess it is true what they say: what doesn't kill you makes you...seriously consider what would be the best way to die.  Me?  I choose old age or death by freak extreme ironing accident.

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